Have you ever noticed that growth feels like destruction?

That getting better feels like getting worse?

You're not doing something wrong. You're just experiencing something nobody told you about.

In 1966, an American sociologist named James Davis published a paper, entitled "​The Campus as a Frog Pond​", which examined data from a large national sample of graduating college seniors.

He measured three things about each student:

• Their GPA / local class rank
• The caliber of their school
• Their career aspirations

Davis found that career aspirations tracked to their class rank (a relative metric) far more than the quality of their school (an absolute metric).

In other words, two students of identical ability can perceive themselves and their aspirations very differently on the basis of how they stack up to those around them.

Davis wrote, "[They see themselves as] big frogs in little ponds or little frogs in big ponds."

He concluded that people judge their ability by comparison to the people immediately around them, not against any absolute standard.

This is the Frog Pond Effect:

The way we feel about ourselves depends on our relative positioning more so than our absolute performance.

Our scoreboard is relative, not absolute.

This is why growth feels like destruction. Why getting better feels like getting worse. Why building up feels like tearing down.

Because growth forces a change in environment.

You can't reach your true potential in the tiny pond where you started. You have to leave the safety of what you know to explore what you can become. At some point, you outgrow the places, people, mindsets, behaviors, and beliefs that once felt like home. That provided comfort. Stability. Grounding.

In those moments, you have a choice:

• You can stay. Embrace the comfort and safety of your small pond.
• Or, you can leave. Push into new frontiers. Enter a bigger pond.

But if you choose to leave, if you choose the path of growth, do so knowing that it's going to hurt.

• It's the discomfort of being the dumbest one in the room.
• It's the imposter syndrome of feeling like you'll be exposed.
• It's the ego hit that comes from being at the back of the pack.
• It's the embarrassment of being a beginner again.

That identity-shaking pain is the cost of entry. It means you're on the right track. It means you're placing yourself into environments where you'll be pushed. It means you had the courage to walk into the uncertainty instead of hiding from it.

You're not doing something wrong. The opposite, really.

You asked for the growth, so pay the cost of entry with pride.