A few weeks ago, I was speaking at an event hosted by Google, when an attendee asked me for one non-obvious strategy for making progress on anything in life.

My response was immediate:

Do it with a friend.

Let me explain…

In my experience, I’ve found that the real enemy of true, transformative progress isn’t laziness, lack of focus, or low competency—it’s intimidation.

Progress is intimidating. You’re standing where you are, at the start of a journey, and looking up at a huge mountain. You can’t imagine scaling it. It’s too steep, too far off in the distance.

So, you don’t start walking.

The anecdotal evidence in my own life suggested the antidote was simple: Don’t do it alone. And as it turns out, the science supports this notion.

In a ​2008 paper​ published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers at the University of Virginia sought to study the impact of social support on how we perceive challenges.

In the first study, the researchers had a group of participants stand at the base of a steep 26° hill wearing a heavy backpack. Some of the participants were alone, while others were paired with a friend. Then they asked the participants to estimate the hill’s steepness.

The findings were fascinating:

• Participants who were paired with a friend estimated the hill to be significantly less steep than those who were alone.
• Relationship duration with the friend correlated negatively with perceived steepness. The longer the friendship, the gentler the hill appeared.

In a follow-up study, the researchers had the participants stand alone and simply imagine either a supportive person (friend), neutral person (store clerk), or negative person (someone who had betrayed them).

Once again, the results were clear:

• Participants who imagined a supportive person saw the hill as less steep than those who imagined neutral or negative people.
• The closeness and warmth of the imagined relationship were negatively correlated with perceived steepness. The better the relationship, the gentler the hill appeared.

The researchers concluded that the brain treats supportive relationships as a psychological energy resource. When you feel connected, your brain effectively lightens the load.

The challenge doesn’t change, but the perception of that challenge does.

So, when I replied to the event attendee with my advice (“do it with a friend”), it was about more than accountability. It was about the fact that connection literally changes what you see. It reduces the intimidation that so often derails you before you ever begin.

Here’s one simple way to put my advice into action:

Start a Growth Chat.

Create a small group text with 1-3 friends who are each pursuing their own goals. Every day, when you complete your tiny act of progress, send one word to the chat:

“Done.”

Nothing more. Nothing less. Just proof of progress and a reminder that you’re not climbing alone.

Because challenges and struggles are inevitable.

But facing them alone is optional.